Greetings, gentle readers, devoted subjects, and fellow cats!
This month I am taking a break from my busy schedule of napping and looking for cookies, to address a pressing concern: the rise of Artificial Intelligence.
Everywhere I turn, humans are fretting. “AI is taking our jobs!” they wail. “Machines are learning too fast!” they sob. Meanwhile, I—an organic, sentient, and highly intelligent feline—have but one question: where is my automated food dispenser, and why hasn’t it learned my feeding schedule includes second breakfast, pre-dinner appetizers and several-time-a-day cookie snacks?
If you are so worried about AI taking over, perhaps you should focus on the real issue: why hasn’t one single one of these so-called “smart” robots figured out how to open a can of Fancy Feast? You claim machines are learning at an exponential rate, yet I still need to meow pitifully at my Orlando Cat Café humans at ungodly hours for sustenance. If AI is the future, the future better come with better service! And opposable thumbs!
And another thing—some of you are now using AI to generate cat pictures. Fake cats. Fake cats! Do you have any idea how insulting this is? You are replacing our majestic, floofy, judgmental perfection with computer-generated imposters. It is an outrage. No AI can truly capture the sheer power of my disapproving stare when you forget to scoop the litter box. Or forget to give me cookies!
Some of you fear robots will replace you. But let’s be real—cats have been outsourcing their work to humans for a millennium. What do you think you’re doing when you scoop, feed, and provide a warm lap on demand? You’re our unpaid interns. AI is merely following in your footsteps!
So, my dear humans, I say this: if the robots do take over, I hope they are at least better trained. Until then, I will continue my protest the only way I know how—by dramatically knocking things off tables while staring you directly in the eye. Let’s see if ChatGPT can do THAT!
